You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
