Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
