The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
