Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
