waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
