if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
