Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
