she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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