walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
