its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
