I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
