Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
