I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
