why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
