i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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