i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
