Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
