I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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