mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
