I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
