the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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