woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
