The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
