Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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