Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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