and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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