'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
