Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
