how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
