my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
