i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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