I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
