you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
