bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
