Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
