the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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