The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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