Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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