Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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