I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
