She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
