You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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