I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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