youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
