I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
