he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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