I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
