He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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