I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
