covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
