Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
