Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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