How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize