in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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